Babe and I had a conversation last night that, honestly, left me slightly dumbfounded. TOM (as he calls it...isn't he cute?) was here this week and so our sexy-time activities of late had been limited to oral sex and above-the-waist groping. As recently as Monday, he was aware that I was "out of commission," and so when I went over there last night, he assumed that was still the state of things.
Well we started getting hot and heavy and I, thinking I was cleverly revealing that I was now able to get down and dirty without...well, getting dirty, asked whether he would prefer to...include me in the orgasm experience or enjoy a final "me me me" moment. He chose the latter, got his jollies, and was ready to go out and smoke a cigarette.
To which I replied "I'm not done yet." After confirming that, yes everything was cleared for take-off, he looks at me and says "well, aren't you supposed to wait a couple of days after that before you have sex?"
I'm not gonna lie y'all, I think I might have popped a few blood vessels trying not to laugh. "Who on earth told you that?" I asked him. "I dunno, I just thought that was how it worked." For serious?
Ladies, educate your men-folk! I know it's not fun to talk about periods, but this guy is 27 years old and he doesn't know enough to know when it's "safe" to have sex. He has plenty of girlfriends, some of them for long periods of time! How does this happen? I am truly baffled.
Also, it's perfectly safe to have sex on your period, if slightly gross. So there's definitely no harm in doing it on your first tampon-free day. I mean, come on.
So a few hours later, we did "it," just to prove to him that you could. Because I'm all about the oral sex, but I'm not a big fan of you get yours and I get nothing. And damn man, get your facts straight!
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Oh, silly boys. If they didn't have a sister or a mama who shared far too much, they're generally pretty clueless.
ReplyDeleteAlso? I'm still trying to figure out what TOM stands for.
Oh man. That is just sad. I really do wonder about guys sometimes, like those who genuinely believe that women do not poop. Seriously? I've met my fair share of them and it amazes me every time. I understand it's not something you want to think about, but to really and truly think we just DON'T? That's absurd.
ReplyDeleteListen. And you can get mad at me if ya want, but this is real. I've been married to a beautiful wonderful lady for 6 years, and I have no proof to this day that she's ever pooped. I freakin love her for that. Just sayin. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, maybe he has one too many chromosomes? Hehehehe...j/k... it's been a rough week for my wife and I because aunt Flo has been visiting, but she kicked her ass out this morning, and tonight, there's going to be some monumental sexual heat goin' on...hahahaha!
ReplyDeleteJust out of curiosity, what did he think would happen? The hole would close up? Your head would explode?
ReplyDeleteSilly men.